On those moments when you can’t get out of bed

When the pain is so sharp this new life can’t possibly be real

When you don’t recognize the woman in the mirror

He sees you

 

When you are etched with wrinkles, appearing to age overnight

When you have no strength to parent your other children

When you have to break the news to your surviving child that their best friend is now in heaven

He sees you

 

When you are struggling with every breath and haven’t changed clothes in days

When the thought of getting out of bed seems like it would take a miracle

When the terrifying nights are so long, you are desperate for rest yet sleep never comes

He sees you

 

When you cry out to God begging for answers, pleading him to take you instead

When your mind holds you hostage, as you wonder why it had to be your child

When you must pick out their last adorable outfit, clothing them for eternity

He sees you

 

When the chaplain sits by your side and describes to you what your precious child looks like in their casket because you’re too afraid to see

When the mere thought of living without them makes you panic as you scream in disbelief

When you’re angry and afraid as you realize you’ve given them their last hug

He sees you

 

When you have to face their bedroom knowing they will never be coming home

When it’s family portrait time and you can’t possibly do it without them

When someone asks how many children you have and you are paralyzed with words

He sees you

 

When you attend your first support group meeting and know you don’t belong

When you see families enjoying each other and you are so overcome with jealousy you secretly despise them

When you are grasping at straws, reaching for every book ever written, desperately searching for hope and truth of heaven

He sees you

 

When the darkness comes and you are terrified of the night

When the sun rises and it hurts knowing time is moving forward

When you can’t imagine going back to church without them

He sees you.

 

When the guilt becomes suffocating as you replay your last conversations begging for a do-over

When the flashbacks are relentless

When you lay on their grave just to feel close to them

He sees you.

 

When the tears flow like endless streams

When your words waiver between past tense and present

When you smell their shampoo or sniff their clothes, frantic to inhale their fleeting scent one more time

He sees you

 

When you’re so afraid of forgetting their voice

When you can’t begin to eat their favorite foods because the guilt consumes you

When no one acknowledges their birthday

He sees you

 

When the dishes pile up, the laundry overwhelms and bill don’t get paid

When you question God’s plan

When you accidentally laugh forgetting for just a second they are gone

He sees you

 

Hang on.   One day at a time.  You can do this.

He sees you.

I see you.

Isaiah 43:2-When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

 

 

 

 

Photo Credit-Pixabay Yuris Alhumaydy @yrss

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