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Glimpses From God and Subtle Reassurance

And there she appeared. Adorably dressed in a pale pink jumper with white tights-embroidered on the front pocket was a hot pink and blue birthday present. Her golden locks framed her round rosy cheeks amplifying that mischievous yet loving smile. It was Lydia!
The elation I felt when I picked her up and held her in my arms, squeezing her tightly, I cannot put into words. Overcome with warmth and happiness, I could feel my soul slowly being filled with joy, providing that elusive sense of wholeness.  It was absolutely indescribable yet complete bliss!

I tried to get her some drink water from the fountain.  She took a couple of sips. Somehow in my mind I believed if she drank, she would stay with me. Not wanting to let go, I ran my fingers through her beautiful hair, taking note of her sweet scent. Oh how I loved her so much.
Lydia grinned back at me so sweetly, saying “I love you,” and then, just like that she was gone.
Tossing and turning, I was slowly waking up trying to process my current reality from my perfect dream world.  I tried unsuccessfully for minutes to fall back asleep, desperate to grasp more time with my girl.  Hot tears fell down my face.  How could it have been ten years since my five year old left for heaven?

The wholeness I felt was incredible, even if only for a few minutes. To experience this sensation was a wonderful blessing.    And then I woke up to navigate this earthly world without my girl. Again. Another day, wondering why me?  The most difficult thing any of us grieving, do.

However, if my dream was any indication of what it will be like when we are reunited again it will be so worth it.  I was given a reminder that this world we are in is only temporary and that a life of eternity awaits.  A place where there is no sorrow or pain, only pure joy and happiness.  It’s really there waiting for us. There’s salve for our hearts, relief from this pain we endure.
Dreams and moments like these bring perspective. Little pieces of the puzzle are gradually coming together, yet that doesn’t diminish the pain. We still carry it. However, I’ve learned that no matter our temporary physical separation, Lydia was there, waiting for me. Talk about comforting! I am reminded of the horrific suffering Christ endured for us, so that one day we can all live in eternal glory together.

momentsof youquote
Rubbing my eyes, I awakened to the singing of birds outside my window and the glimmer of sunshine on the snow. The beauty of life surrounded me inside and out.  Inhaling deeply, I whispered, “Yes, I can do this.  One day at a time. “

Pulling back the covers, I heard little voices coming from the living room. It was early and surely they were not awake already on a Saturday.  A peek down the hall revealed six young eyes glued to the television, watching the movie Annie.  Ahhh… Lydia’s favorite.  A movie they haven’t watched in years. Oh my heart.  And there it came.  High pitched off tune adorable voices singing Tomorrow.

“Just thinkin’ about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
‘Til there’s none

 The sun’ll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
‘Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love ya tomorrow
You’re always
A day
Away”

Songwriters: Charles Strouse / Martin Charnin

 

Remembering how Lydia used to sing this very song while brushing our beloved dog, my spirit was lifted refueling me with the strength to conquer whatever was to come my way.   I’m here to tell you, hang on until tomorrow.  Never forget that our hope is renewed every day, come what may. There is nothing we can’t handle when Christ is on our side.

 

10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  1 Peter 5:10
Because maybe someone else needs to hear this. Maybe you are craving reassurance or are seeking a  flicker of hope for whatever difficult season you are traveling through. When things seem hopeless and the pain seems unbearable, remember He died for you. For me. For all of us. His love is never ending. His promises are worth more than any gold, possession, or social media following. At times of sorrow and pain, stand on His promises. Cling to them with all your might. You can do it.

 

 

 

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How I Heard God on a Sunday Morning

Do you every wonder if God is there? If He really hears what’s in your heart?  I just had to share this morning how God was speaking to me.

My first clue was the dream I had last night.  It was the most amazing.  So here it is……I found it easier to write it in form of a letter to Lydia.

 

I found you singing in your room with your pink microphone, ever so softly and sweetly, of course you were dressed in pigtails and mismatched clothes.

“Lydia?” I said in disbelief. “Is it you?” You glanced at me with that sweet little smile and those piercing blue eyes. It really was you.

With tears streaming down my cheeks, I ran and picked you up in my arms squeezing you so tightly.  You were beautiful.  I got to hear your voice. Something I was so afraid of forgetting.   Blonde hair and pigtails, you looked just like before. Soft skin, adorable giggles.  Your Strawberry Shortcake pillow was there too, laying in my closet, just the like the matching blanket I have on the bed.

You never left the bedroom, so I rushed out to get your brother so he could see you once again, hoping you wouldn’t leave. Grabbing him by the hand, we ran back to you. As we entered the room, you smiled so big and continued singing, with your great grandma sitting next to you. You were both smiling and laughing-clearly full of joy. Oh I love you so much sweet pea.  And then, I kept hearing.   “I am alive. Just believe.  I’m always here.”

Whoa.

What gift God gave me this Sunday morning. It had been forever since I had a dream of Lydia. Seriously, it must have been well over a year. Was it real? I didn’t want to forget. I tried desperately to go back to sleep to find her again. Regrettably, I was awake and there was no going back.

Why does it always happened like this?  He allows us little glimpses and then we are forced back to reality.

Once awake, I let it all soak in. Feeling content, I glanced over at my phone and a new notification popped up, telling me of a new memory today of portraits over the years.  It’s a slideshow the phone somehow puts together and notified me of this morning.  Strangely, I don’t recall receiving one of these before.  As I pushed play, photos of my second daughter in the past years rotated.  My heart warmed with gratitude as I watched photos of my precious Sadie, the rainbow little girl He had given me.

Looking at the pictures, I became overwhelmed with love and thankfulness. God has given me another chance to love a different daughter. What a gift.  It’s as if I was subtlety being told that it’s okay.  Lydia is at peace and okay, but here on earth I have this wonderful other daughter to love and grow with.  Incredible really.

Blessed and grateful I am this morning. And then…..

Something prodded me to check my email for the daily bible verse. I get them in abundance in my email, but rarely read them every day.  Today was different, and I knew I must open it.

Staring at me was the verse John 7:37-

Eagerly, I turned to my bible and there it was.

37: On the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying. “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink.”   38: He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.”

Amazing.  It was the promise of the Holy Spirit in today’s scripture.  Reminding me, and I’m reminding you…that we must Go to HIM,…Not anyone else, but Go to Him and we will be satisfied…He will meet our needs like nothing else.

When we are thirsty, when we get that crave for coffee, energy drinks, soda, alcohol or even bottled water, we lunge for the superficial instant gratification.  We too often reach for these temporary physical quenchers, yet they do nothing for our spiritual thirst.   We can search and search trying to satisfy our inner needs, yet, in all reality, to improve the quality of our lives, we must be still and seek Him.  Quit the façade.  Quit diluting and distracting ourselves with people and activities as we perfect the art of avoidance so we don’t have to feel the pain and sadness life can bring.

We must dust off those bibles that sit near our beds unopened for months.  We must be vulnerable, exposing out hurting hearts and imperfections to Him, as only He can bring healing and wholeness to our lives, filling the emptiness in our souls.

The key word is come. We must come to him and He will meet us there. He will be there waiting. Meet him, seek him and he will quench our thirst. We need to acknowledge our need for Christ, extinguishing all self-reliance by opening our hearts to the Holy Spirit, welcoming peace and love on an entire new level.

Be reminded, He suffered and died for us. He is alive and with us in every moment. He knows and understands our weaknesses.  When we are feeling down, when our souls need replenished, just go to Him and he will satisfy our aching hearts.

Talk about powerful. He was speaking to me in so many ways this morning, it was wild.

The promise of the Holy Spirit…

Isaiah 58:11  

And the lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; And you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.

As our faith strengthens and we grow closer to God, our eyes will be opened to His blessings. Some days I’m too self-absorbed to notice, but today it was vivid and clear.  I knew I must share these little glimpses of God.   May you all find God’s presence with you this week.

Where Will Your Passion Lead You in 2018?

About three weeks ago, I woke up early in the morning a little big on the cranky side you could say.  I found myself crunched up on my child’s twin bed with two afghans covering me, the window open just wasn’t quite doing it for me.  It had been a restless night. I was cold and tremendously uncomfortable.

My heavy eyelids, stuffy nose and pounding headache tried to lure me back to sleep, however, I knew my long commute to work awaited me.

On my drive to work, my heightened nerves were telling me I had had enough. I was fed up and tired. Tired of my job, tired of my career, this wasn’t the life I was supposed to be living, among other things.

Needless to say, I had a mini meltdown in the car. It only lasted about a minute, but it brought me to a place where I knew change was imminent.  I had what was certain to be, an epiphany driving down the main street in between stop lights. There was no mistaking it. God stirred my heart at this very moment and I felt it, without a doubt. Something had changed. I knew I had come to a crossroad in my life and it was time.  I hadn’t been living the life I was supposed to.   God surely has more in store for my life than this day to day “stuff I had been doing.”  I couldn’t continue on the present path and desperately needed to find my direction, my passion and purpose, as I wasn’t fulfilled or satisfied. I was not where I felt I was supposed to be.  Exhausted and tired of the mundane, I was the busy mom, trapped by her routine career, putting her ambitions on hold, hiding in her bedroom desperate to grasp a few moments of quiet time to think and to write.  But then it struck me. What was I waiting for? What if everyone had the courage to follow their dreams and passions?   What an incredible world that would be.

You know when you feel empty and you are just kind of going through the motions? That has been me. I feel like I’m missing out on a greater purpose in life.

Instantly, I called my husband and told him what I wanted to do, that I needed to sell my business and refocus on what feels right to me and what feels like God was putting on my heart, and  follow the steps of faith I need to be taking to fulfill my dreams.

You see, I’ve been in this phase the past few weeks, a phase of the blahs, tired of the mediocrity. I had had enough of the status quo. Feeling burned out, I wasn’t moving forward in my career, and actually bored with what I have been doing the past 19 years of my life. My time was done here.

I prayed for God to show me my purpose in life since I wasn’t feeling it. There just had to be more that the just “getting by” I was presently engaged in. I have not felt the fulfillment I need.  Don’t get me wrong, I have so many blessings in my life, but deep inside I knew I was made for more.  I love taking care of my family, my animals, the laundry, dishes and never ending housework as much as anyone, however, I believe there is more. That I was meant to make a difference.

Through heavy prayer, I hope 2018 brings me just that. I am certain I will gain His wisdom and have the urge and confidence to go forth with some new endeavors and not let fear of failure hold me back and to complete those unfinished works that are dear to my heart.

Gods plan image

So, I have decided that my focus on the New Year is going to be determination, which can be defined by Webster’s as (having made a firm decision and being resolved not to change it.)  I’ve always scoffed at those who pick some random word for their theme for the upcoming year. Really, in what perfect world can someone commit to a single word and make their life all about that?  Don’t they always fizzle out after a few months anyway?  The idea has always seemed silly to me. However, the intent behind it has caught my attention recently.

In 2018, I am committed. Personal growth and fulfillment have become a priority.  Instead of being confined to my comfort zone, I hope to be guided and filled with inspiration and motivation, enhancing and improving myself and while serving others.  In addition, I hope to gain complete confidence and direction, to reach out and pursue my goals. I feel that God doesn’t want me to waste my pain but to provide His hope and healing to others experiencing grief and loss, in a bigger way.  So what am I waiting for? There is nothing like growing closer to God and stepping out courageously in faith.   I am ready.

In my own reflection, I encourage you all to ponder what’s in your heart.  If money and fear were no object, what would you do?  Make this the year to step out in faith and pursue those dreams and passions.  You can do it!

~On this journey with you

 

Daphne