Walking down the aisle shopping last weekend, this bright rainbow caught my eye. “Cup of Happy” spoke to me. I immediately smiled, thinking about my current state of happiness while briefly flashing back to those times when I thought happiness would never be found again.

This moment begged the question… can you be happy again after loss? Do we even deserve to be happy?

These are questions I grappled with for years after my daughter died. I didn’t believe I was worthy of happiness again. Overcome with guilt, I couldn’t smile. I couldn’t fill my own cup. I despised others who smiled and radiated joy.

I soon found I didn’t know what happiness was, nor did I care about finding it. My cup of happiness felt empty. Plans canceled. Hope diminished.

So after drowning in sorrow, how does one dig themselves up out of the dark abyss?

Well, I think it’s a gradual climb. But a climb we absolutely can achieve. We often need daily reminders and reassurance. It takes changing perspective, refocusing, looking at life through a different lens.

I started asking myself- What does being happy even mean? What fills your heart? What brings you joy? What makes you smile? What brings you peace? What gives you comfort?

When do I feel my best? Who is around me when I feel my best? What makes me feel happy?

And you know what? I made a list. It’s a rather lengthy list, actually, of what makes me happy. It included my favorite foods, comfy clothes, the outdoors, campfires, fuzzy socks, sunshine, the smell of rain, family, friends, my dogs. Simple things. Beautiful things. Things that remind me life still holds goodness.

Yes, happiness starts from within, but surrounding ourselves with what brings us joy helps nurture our healing hearts.

Most importantly, I had to learn to let go of the guilt that held me captive for so long. The guilt that whispered I didn’t deserve happiness. Then I realized, God calls us to live a life of joy. He wants us to find peace and comfort, even in our darkest valleys. Learning to accept that joy isn’t betrayal to my daughter’s memory, it’s honoring the love we shared.

I’ll never forget the first time I found myself smiling after she died. It scared me. I immediately felt like I was betraying her somehow. How could I smile when she was gone? I tried not to let it happen again, guarding my heart against any flicker of joy. But that’s not living, that’s just surviving.

I won’t lie, choosing happiness while carrying grief is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Some days it feels impossible. But I’ve learned we can hold both: we can be happy AND carry our loved ones with us. Their love doesn’t leave when they do. We can smile while holding their memory close. We can laugh while keeping them in our hearts. Without a doubt, joy and grief can coexist.

Find your cup of happy. Find what makes your heart sing, those sparkles of sunshine that light up your heart and make your soul dance. And intentionally surround yourself with those things, those people, those moments.

The climb back to happiness is possible. Remember, you are worthy and so loved.

On the journey with you.