About three weeks ago, I woke up early in the morning a little big on the cranky side you could say. I found myself crunched up on my child’s twin bed with two afghans covering me, the window open just wasn’t quite doing it for me. It had been a restless night. I was cold and tremendously uncomfortable.
My heavy eyelids, stuffy nose and pounding headache tried to lure me back to sleep, however, I knew my long commute to work awaited me.
On my drive to work, my heightened nerves were telling me I had had enough. I was fed up and tired. Tired of my job, tired of my career, this wasn’t the life I was supposed to be living, among other things.
Needless to say, I had a mini meltdown in the car. It only lasted about a minute, but it brought me to a place where I knew change was imminent. I had what was certain to be, an epiphany driving down the main street in between stop lights. There was no mistaking it. God stirred my heart at this very moment and I felt it, without a doubt. Something had changed. I knew I had come to a crossroad in my life and it was time. I hadn’t been living the life I was supposed to. God surely has more in store for my life than this day to day “stuff I had been doing.” I couldn’t continue on the present path and desperately needed to find my direction, my passion and purpose, as I wasn’t fulfilled or satisfied. I was not where I felt I was supposed to be. Exhausted and tired of the mundane, I was the busy mom, trapped by her routine career, putting her ambitions on hold, hiding in her bedroom desperate to grasp a few moments of quiet time to think and to write. But then it struck me. What was I waiting for? What if everyone had the courage to follow their dreams and passions? What an incredible world that would be.
You know when you feel empty and you are just kind of going through the motions? That has been me. I feel like I’m missing out on a greater purpose in life.
Instantly, I called my husband and told him what I wanted to do, that I needed to sell my business and refocus on what feels right to me and what feels like God was putting on my heart, and follow the steps of faith I need to be taking to fulfill my dreams.
You see, I’ve been in this phase the past few weeks, a phase of the blahs, tired of the mediocrity. I had had enough of the status quo. Feeling burned out, I wasn’t moving forward in my career, and actually bored with what I have been doing the past 19 years of my life. My time was done here.
I prayed for God to show me my purpose in life since I wasn’t feeling it. There just had to be more that the just “getting by” I was presently engaged in. I have not felt the fulfillment I need. Don’t get me wrong, I have so many blessings in my life, but deep inside I knew I was made for more. I love taking care of my family, my animals, the laundry, dishes and never ending housework as much as anyone, however, I believe there is more. That I was meant to make a difference.
Through heavy prayer, I hope 2018 brings me just that. I am certain I will gain His wisdom and have the urge and confidence to go forth with some new endeavors and not let fear of failure hold me back and to complete those unfinished works that are dear to my heart.
So, I have decided that my focus on the New Year is going to be determination, which can be defined by Webster’s as (having made a firm decision and being resolved not to change it.) I’ve always scoffed at those who pick some random word for their theme for the upcoming year. Really, in what perfect world can someone commit to a single word and make their life all about that? Don’t they always fizzle out after a few months anyway? The idea has always seemed silly to me. However, the intent behind it has caught my attention recently.
In 2018, I am committed. Personal growth and fulfillment have become a priority. Instead of being confined to my comfort zone, I hope to be guided and filled with inspiration and motivation, enhancing and improving myself and while serving others. In addition, I hope to gain complete confidence and direction, to reach out and pursue my goals. I feel that God doesn’t want me to waste my pain but to provide His hope and healing to others experiencing grief and loss, in a bigger way. So what am I waiting for? There is nothing like growing closer to God and stepping out courageously in faith. I am ready.
In my own reflection, I encourage you all to ponder what’s in your heart. If money and fear were no object, what would you do? Make this the year to step out in faith and pursue those dreams and passions. You can do it!
~On this journey with you