It’s been a trying last few weeks as I’ve been traveling a lot. I just finished up a spectacular elk hunt enjoying the solace of nature and returned home, reconnecting with the world. While spending time hunting, on the job and with family, it has been exhausting to say the least. Being pulled in many directions, I’ve found that I’ve not had the time to write or share posts, nor have any time to myself during these days but then realized that this is life. It doesn’t adhere to my anticipated plan. It doesn’t fit in the cookie cutter mold. There are sharp turns, steep hills, and at times I find myself going in reverse. What in the world? I’ve learned I’ve no choice but to embrace it.
With the recent passing of my beloved uncle and declining health of my father, the emotional roller coaster welcomes me. I’ve enjoyed reminiscing, laughing and crying, as the pendulum of feelings swings widely. Grieving our loved ones is so hard, whether their passing was expected or not, there is no easy way to say goodbye.
However, since Lydia passed away, and years progressed, I’ve been fine-tuned to seeking life’s blessings during hardships. Despite difficult circumstances, I know the darkest days will pass and the sun will shine again, all in its own time.
But that doesn’t make it any easier. Life is so fragile and love is so powerful. Fresh events of loss bring to the surface the true meaning of life. It makes us ponder why we are even here. What is our purpose? Why do some live longer than others? Why does life have to hurt so much? How are we equipped to handle it all?
How fast these years pass. It seems like only a few short years ago I was in college as a young, naïve lady who set out to conquer the world. Fast forward 20+ years and here I am today, wiser beyond my years, living through the unimaginable. So strange. No exactly the life I had planned for myself.
I still cannot believe its November already. This month is one that carries high emotional charges as Lydia’s birthday lands on or near Thanksgiving each year. No matter how many years have passed, we bereaved parents will always have heavy hearts and endless tears during birthdays and holidays. Yes, even after ten years. Yikes! It still is so hard for me to fathom that much time has passed since my darling daughter was here.
During November every year, I find myself craving connection with God, needing to read scripture to remind myself that an eternity awaits. I find myself visiting the cemetery more often, finding comfort in the solace and presence of her grave. I find myself fantasizing of those early years with her and imagining who she’d be today. You will find endless drops of pure love descending down my cheeks at random moments, evidence of the hearts incredible strength and timeless devotion.
Much time is spent on wondering, fantasizing, and dreaming of those heavenly reunions- no pain, no sorrow, only pure joy and restoration. Talk about glory days! What a gift.
In the end, today is all we are ever really promised. Remember, when fear knocks on your door, answer with faith.
On the journey with you~
P.S. Stay tuned. Lots of excitement brewing here and two special announcements coming this month!