Ever since Lydia passed away, I have struggled with the Fourth of July. Typically a fun family weekend full of patriotism, parades, good food and family, however, seven years ago it turned to a sorrowful memory. The last holiday she was with us was the Fourth. Twelve days later she would be gone. Subsequently, life on the Fourth of July was forever changed. I no longer looked forward to it and spent many Fourths hibernating in my house, engulfed in a cloud of grief, wishing I could hide from the world.

As the years have passed, I’ve come to a crossroads and realized that I had a choice. A choice to embrace the beauty of Lydia, of being her mom, of all the amazing memories we shared as well as the incredible gifts her legacy continues to give, or live in a terrifying state consumed with darkness and hopelessness.

It was an easy choice. That’s not to say that this time of year is always free of heartache or isn’t accompanied by buckets of salty tears. But the heaviness and gloom has lifted and the love we share continues to blossom and multiply.

Fireworks Forever

And so, I choose to remember her on this day as she was every year before. Her long blonde pigtails tied with red and blue ribbons, driving her jeep in the parade throwing candy to the children with an enormous smile permanently sewn on her face. Happy and joyful with not a worry in the world always letting her light shine!

7 thoughts on “Fireworks Forever

  1. The 4th of July had been tough this year for me. It’s about families and gratitude, BBQ’s and parties. I chose to stay home by myself this year. I will hopefully be doing what you did this year next year. Good for you!!

    1. Thanks Holly! You definitely have the right idea, families and barbeques. Sometimes we need a little break from the normal to recharge and gain perspective on things. I hope you are having a wonderful summer!

  2. It is so wonderful that you have reached the stage that you are able to use these holidays and celebrate her life. I am still so very much wrapped up in the all-consuming despair that is heightened on special holidays. I quite often read your posts and it gives me some hope that in time I might be where you are, I’d like to nominate you for the Liebster Award, I feel so many others could benefit from you kind and thoughtful words so I hope you accept xx http://amotherwithoutachild.com/2015/07/07/whats-a-liebster-award/

    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I am so sorry about your sweet William. What a handsome boy. It seems that you two share a birthday with my daughter too. What a special day! That first year or two is the most challenging. When I read my journal from those early days, I remember so vividly the deep dark pain I was in. There is no magic potion to make it better as I had hoped. One day at a time. Thank you for the award, what a wonderful gesture. I’m not one to accept awards however, I truly appreciate the kind words. I look forward to following you along this journey. May you feel God’s comfort and peace. -Daphne

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