Well the moment has finally arrived and I couldn’t ask for a better birthday present! I’m convinced it’s another God send that the book’s release date was my birthday! Here I am sharing my deeply private and emotional experience to the world, which still seems quite unbelievable. It’s my hope that others may benefit and find a flicker of light amidst their darkness.
As I was packing up the rest of my house last year, I avoided Lydia’s room, not wanting it to change, savoring all the memories we had. Moving was proving to be a heart breaking event. However, after spending some time in that miraculous space of hers, it brought much joy and sorrow, yet some amazing things happened along the way.
When we lose a loved one, we are faced with that difficult task of what to do with the room, the belongings, clothes, pictures, etc. Going through their priceless possessions can be a difficult and emotionally draining task that many avoid for years, sometimes a lifetime.
I wanted to share with you my experience as I went into her room. This was a completely raw moment in which I took my journal with me as I entered Lydia’s room. I knew I would be in there for quite some time and didn’t want to forget one moment. So I began to write what I saw and felt, trying to capture every second of this life changing experience.
Here’s an excerpt from my story in Nancy B. Kennedy’s Miracles and Moments of Grace: Inspiring Stories of Survival book.
As I entered her room, I found my body trembling and my eyes instantly flooded with tears. July marked the fifth year she had been gone now. It was difficult to go in as the last time I had spent a large amount of time in there was the last morning she was with us; when she was waking up and getting ready to start the day.
That day forever changed my life. Instead of coming home from work at the end of the day, I was coming home in grey hospital issued sweats and socks, riding in the backseat of my car, without my child. My son and I survived the accident, she didn’t. How could I continue to live without her? The guilt and anger permeated my soul. I knew that my only hope at surviving this was to turn to God.
After five years, I had survived three family deaths, an ill father, a mother and grandmother with cancer, my husband undergoing four surgeries, a strained unraveling marriage, the near drowning of my son, two serious car accidents, planned my daughter’s memorial, and the birth of three new babies. As if that wasn’t enough, now the time had come to face the room.
There you have it…A small glimpse of a big event. I am ever so thankful for Nancy for including me in her book.
P.S. I’m already halfway through the book and I just got it!