After typing nearly this entire post, I had to redo, due to my toddler sitting on the laptop and accidentally erasing it all. Nothing ever surprises me anymore! 🙂
This upcoming week I will be enduring a difficult task and thought I would share some insight with you. Many of you know that last fall, we moved across the state leaving our home, the only home my children have ever known. We left it up for sale and mostly empty. This was a decision that was met with much trepidation and uncertainty, yet my husband and I believed God to be opening this door, telling us it was time to close another despite our hesitations and extreme doubt .
Well, our home recently sold and next week I will spend the last 9 days in the place that held our dearest memories. So many things are going through my mind these past few days.
How will I be able to leave it? For one, it’s the last place my daughter was physically at. The place where she left her mark. Her room still remains decorated with her own special touch. The room is full of life and personality, complete with shimmering glitter scattered on the carpet, leaving remnants of her art projects left unfinished. Was it possible to box it all up and take it with me? Will it be the same?
Our home holds so many memories. Happy times and memories of Lydia and my oldest boy, her younger brother laughing, running, and drawing on the walls. The letter to Santa remains taped to the back of the door that she drew when she was two. Stickers decorate the light switch covers, memories of the bright red nail polish which she spilled on the floor. Many milestones touched this place. From the first fever, to the first visit from the tooth fairy, the first dance recital, first visit from Santa, to four newborn baby’s being welcomed home. I remember the first plugged toilet that Lydia tried to fix herself by flushing a whole roll of toilet paper until it overflowed, the growth chart on the kitchen wall, first sleepover, and hours spent playing baby dolls and dress up. I could go on and on. My favorite memory? Snuggling in bed with Lydia after a long day.
I remember that first day, the house flooded with people known and unknown, close friends and strangers…Then followed the longest night in my life. The first night without her which slowly transformed into the first week, first month, first year, first holidays, and especially those dreaded first birthday and Christmas.
I must admit, I am terrified and consumed with anxiousness. As I type this, I am overcome with extreme emotion, as sniffles and tears saturate my shirt, wondering how I will ever be able to let go of that home. I never wanted to leave the house after she passed away, forever wanting to clench tightly with a longing to reconnect with the comfort for the life I once knew. Moving feels like closing a chapter forever, yet, I am nervously embracing the new doors that God has opened for me and my family. Knowing that He is in control and we are walking in faith is what eases the soul.
The words of a good friend resonate deep within me. “A house is just a structure. The people in it make it a home.” This rings so true and turned out to be just what I needed to hear. Next week, as I leave my empty house for the final time with puddles of tears piling up on my shoes, I trust that God will give me strength and guide me further down the path and set forth the plans He has for me.
I reminisce about how our lives and home have transformed since we moved in ten years ago. Is it a coincidence that we moved in March of ’04 and are moving out March of ’14, 10 years to the day? I think not. God has magnificent timing and knew our journey to be.
I will look forward to the new chapter our family will embark on and know that Lydia joins us in our journey. It will be magical in its own unique way, we just have to be looking for it!
I leave you with a picture Lydia drew for me. It was one of many that I found after she passed away.
Wondering if any of you all have been through similar experiences? How did you leave your home? Was it difficult packing up your loved ones belongings? I would love to hear your experiences and what helped you through.
Despite my heart this week, I wanted to share a special lady that does incredible things to comfort those with grieving the loss of loved one. She takes clothing from your loved ones and makes masterpieces that will last forever.
Memory Bears by Bonnie. These bears provide comfort and something to hold long after our loved one has passed.
Please take time to visit her at http://memorybearsbybonnie.wordpress.com/ and at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Memory-Bears-by-Bonnie/257816064259623
I definitely will be getting these for my children so they can always have a part of their sister to hold.
2 thoughts on “Moving, Bears and Leaps of Faith”
One year after losing my son I found it necessary to move from our home of 30 years. Seeing “the memories” day in and day out made it so very difficult for me to move through my grief in a positive direction. I quit my job and along with husband and dog moved 3 hours away to live closer to our daughter. In all honesty it was a relief and a very good decision. I wish you some peace with your journey.
Lisa,thank you for your wonderful words of encouragement and sharing your story. I’m so sorry for your loss as well. I’m packing up my daughter’s room today, so it will be tough but I know it is the right decision that we have made. Thanks for following me in my journey.