A Thanksgiving Letter To My Daughter-Happy Birthday In Heaven

My Dearest Daughter,

Twelve years ago on Thanksgiving day, I brought you home for the first time.  Welcomed by family eagerly waiting with a big Thanksgiving dinner prepared, what a little blessing you were.   An 8 pound 2 oz tiny bundle of heartwarming love.  We passed you around like a little hot potato, each gawking at the awesomeness of new life.

A look in the mirror revealed a transformed young woman, three years out of college in the beginning of a career, just learning how to navigate in this big world. And then, to my surprise, you came along.  After 24 hours of labor and grueling pain, you arrived. I had no idea what had just happened, unable to comprehend the immense gift I had just been given.  You opened my heart to a whole new life that I had never imagined. What a fabulous day it was.

I can’t believe it’s been 12 years!  What a wonderful gift this has been to our family.  Every few years we get an extra special Thanksgiving and get to celebrate you in addition to all of our blessings.

Today is your day. Although you are with me everyday, today I will remember all the wonderful things you brought to my life.

So many things I have thought over the years.  What do I say? Do I say I’m sorry you’re there? Do I be selfish and say I wish you were here with me? Do I tell you I wish I could have traded places with you?  Do I ask for forgiveness because I’m here and you’re not? Do I just say I’m sorry or wonder if you are mad at me?  Do you know that I love you?  Are you okay?

All these and more. Thousands of times over the years, more so during the first two. I struggled day in and day out burying myself in self-pity and shame.  Yet, I know you are where God wanted you to be. After all, He is taking exceptional care of you. I always have to remind myself that you were His, only given to me love and care for until it was time for you to go back.   I know we will be reunited one day and when we do, I have so much to say.

For now, I want to say I love you and thank you. Thank you for making me a mother. A divine act that brought me back to the basics in life.

Thank you for showing me the value of imagination in the how fabulous the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny could be.  The laughter and tears opened my eyes to a world I’d never known as a mom, and as a bereaved mom.

Thank you for showing me the unconditional love a mother has for a daughter, the late nights staying up watching movies, the sleep overs, and of course the wonderful world of bright colors and just how fabulous nail polish can be.

Thank you for showing me it’s okay to laugh about the messes in life, like flushing too much toilet paper in the toilet until it overflows and floods the bathroom, painting the carpet with hot pink nail polish, and covering the dog’s accident on the rug with newspapers which I stepped on.  I know you were only trying to help clean it up before I woke up.  Your heart was always in the right place.

You were a beaming ray of sunshine who took the world by the reins and attracted the looks and comments of others when you didn’t even know it.  You had a glow about you.  You were a special treasure who lit up a dark room.  Your love for life, animals, the outdoors, and people in general was definitely something to be admired.  You were my little social butterfly, not afraid of anything who brought music to my life.

How wise you were at such a young age to know that God was preparing you for a life and future that would leave a legacy of smiles and impact on others.  Thank you for bringing me back to the Lord when you knew I would need Him most.

Thank you for letting me experience the exciting world of broadway plays with you. Seeing your eyes light up when your favorite characters came on stage was worth every penny.

Never taking one minute for granted on this earth, you taught me just how important it is to slow down in life while enjoying and savoring those moments sipping hot chocolate and eating cinnamon rolls, dreaming of the amazing things the future can bring.

Singing and dancing through life, you showed me that we all need to have an innocent spirit,like that of a child to see the amazing kingdom of eternal life.

I thank God and you for showing me what life is all about and just what really matters.  At the end of the day, it’s about being happy, carefree, loving others, self-confidence, humility and honoring God.  For he is the ultimate reason we are all here in the first place.

Today you turn 12! I can’t believe it. Even though I only had you for just under six years, I wouldn’t trade it for the world and would do it again in a heartbeat.  I know we will be reunited one spectacular day.  Until then, know that I love you and not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts.  Thank you my sweat pea for showing me as you would say, “the best of both worlds.”